Let's Suffer, Together
by Jakola
Summary: Matthew wants to be noticed. Iryna wants to be not noticed. Then suddenly, their own actions end them in the same hospital. What are these acquaintances going to do now? Hinted CanUkr. My first FF, critique welcome! (WARNING: DEPRESSION/CUTTING/SUICIDE MENTIONED) Rated T for (WARNING)
1. Part 1

_My first post! Woo. Part of a three part thing. I do not own any of these characters excluding the doctor, the rest belongs to the creator of Hetalia!_

Arthur was digging a trench in the hospital tiles with all his pacing. His mind was restless and he'd chewed his fingernails down to the beds. Oh _, dear God, have mercy on this poor boy. Let him live, let him be forgiven, let him be alright;_ please _dear God, let him be alright..._

The doctor finally pushed open the hospital's white waiting room doors. "Mr. Kirkland?"

"Oh, my God." Arthur sprinted to him, his son on his heels. His voice was just a course warble. "Is he alright?" He asked. "Doctor, is he okay? Tell me he is alive, please, _please_!"

The doctor looked down at his clipboard. Arthur felt his heart contract. _Not a good sign, never a good sign._ "Matthew has been stabilized." He allowed, and the other man let go of the breath he'd been holding. "However, I will need to ask you into a private room to discuss the details."

"Yes, yes, doctor, of course."

The two followed the doctor into a small and cramped office-type room, decorated with sickeningly happy cartoon versions of the animals from _Noah's Ark._ They all were smiling as rain pelted their roof, as if it were only a sprinkler. It figured a children's hospital would have this type of sugar-coated decor.

The doctor, a dark skinned man with a shiny head and pastel blue scrubs, gave Arthur what he hoped to be a reassuring smile. "Mr. Kirkland. Matthew is doing well. Unfortunately, he will have to stay here for an indefinite amount of time."

"What?" The world was spinning suddenly. His son put a steadying hand on his back. "Is something wrong?" Arthur squeaked. "What, is he paralyzed, is he retarded, is he b-brain dead?" He had to clutch at his khaki pant leg to prevent him grabbing the doctor's lapel and shaking him. New, terrified tears flowed down his face.

Surprisingly, the doctor smiled. "No, nothing like that." Something in his tone stilled him, though. "Mr. Kirkland, Matthew's condition is now stable, but I'm afraid that he is not able to leave here for a while, as I've said." Although expertly concealed, Arthur saw him fidget with the cuff of his sleeve. "While you were _incredibly_ lucky to arrive when you did, Matthew had been suffering from oxygen deprivation a significant while before he had... done what he did." He dropped his voice low. Arthur couldn't tell if it was pity or embarrassment that flavored his tone. "The cuts on his arms were deep. They'd been flowing for maybe 6 minutes before emergency response arrived. Coupled with the asphyxiation, his body had no choice but to… shut down. In a perfect world, Matthew could leave with you as soon as the day after tomorrow, directed to one of our best therapists- but, in a perfect world, we wouldn't be in this situation…."

Arthur kept quiet as the doctor stalled, but each second was a stab in his chest.

Finally, he spoke. "Matthew is in a coma."


	2. Part 2

-3 DAYS LATER-

Iryna sat at the back of the classroom, as normal. It was History class. They'd been reviewing the Spanish Inquisition when the pains in her chest became unbearable. She'd asked for a hall pass and hurried her way as fast as her body allowed to the ladies' bathroom and barricaded herself in a stall before the tears fell.

She'd gotten used to the pain, she'd thought, but some days it seemed it couldn't get any worse. That day she'd wrapped up tighter than normal in response to the glances some girls had given her as she boarded the bus the day before. But it was working, she reminded herself. It was working, and a little pain wasn't going to keep her from being normal.

Mopping her tears with some toilet paper, she exited the stall and watched herself calm down in the mirror. When she deemed it safe, that the skin around her eyes were a normal color, she left the bathroom.

She did not expect what happened next.

As she turned the corner to return to class, she became suddenly dizzy and had no choice but to lean on the wall. Her breaths became shallow. Without preamble, something had snapped inside her. A wrongness filled her chest and she slid down the wall with her feet splayed in front of her. She didn't know how long she sat there, but the pain didn't subside, and she knew at that moment that something had gone horribly wrong.

"Get off that floor!"

She turned her head ever so slightly to see a teacher she didn't know clop toward her. She closed her eyes. She didn't want to cause a panic at all.

"What are you… hey, what's wrong with you?" The footsteps sped up. "Are you alright?"

"I'm… fine…." She tried to stand then, but couldn't. The bandages around her were like chains, restraining her to the ground. She felt hands hold her down. The teacher was studying her frantically. He looked worried. "I'm fine," she repeated. "I just got… a little dizzy. I'm okay."

The teacher still wouldn't let her up, though. "You're green," he observed. "You should go to the nurse."

Without much of a choice, she was taken to the nurse's office, where in a matter of minutes, she promptly fainted.


	3. Part 3

Matthew stood staring out the window of the waiting room. Every part of him had some sort of ache. Laying in his bed for three days gave him a crook in his back, his legs were weak from disuse, and despite the painkillers, his arms still burned. He even sported a thriving headache.

"Matthew, come sit back down."

It was Arthur. Not his dad. That seemed to hurt him the most, he thought. Even in the hospital, his dad didn't even pay attention to him.

He didn't turn to sit. He heard Arthur sigh, and then he was summoned to the reception desk. "I'll only be a few," he announced in his faint English way of speaking, and Matthew heard him pad away. Alfred- Arthur's son, his half-brother- was facing away in a waiting chair, his music blaring full volume into both ears via headphones. Matthew knew this because this was always how it was when they saw each other.

Bitterly, Matthew wondered why it didn't work, what he'd did. Arthur came at, "just the right time," the doctors said. He personally thought that a few more minutes would have been golden.

But that wasn't true, he admitted. He remembered that it really had been an accident in the first place. He'd chickened out, but as he started to jerk himself back over the railing, a voice had made him jump, and he slipped. A very English voice.

As he mused, a girl stepped beside him, her posture suggesting pain but her eyes seemed alight with interest. "...Matthew?"

Surprised, he looked at her. She was a tough-looking girl, tall enough to be eye-level, but her face he noticed was very pretty and feminine despite a short hairstyle. Maybe even due to the short hairstyle. She was from his school- the girl from Russia. He remembered that her and her siblings had been adopted by an American couple a while back. He thought he remembered her name; he'd heard it slurred in the hallways enough at school. "Iryna? Why are you here?"

For the first time in his life, he actually thought he felt self conscious.

She blinked and looked out the window. She seemed embarrassed. "I, uh… Angelina and Stu were worried about me. I'm fine now, though. I won't do what I did again. It's not worth it."

Matthew could respect that she didn't want to elaborate. Her growing blush indicated that the subject was touchy.

They both stood awkwardly until Iryna spoke again. "What about you? Why haven't you been at school?"

He hid his arms by crossing them. They burned under the pressure, but he ignored them. "Oh, uh…."

After a moment, the energy of lying seemed too large. "I tried to kill myself."

Like with Arthur, he expected a look of utter astonishment. But instead Iryna amazed him, and started to cry.

It confused him, Iryna crying, and over _him._ He'd overheard rumors that Iryna was a crybaby. He thought he did something wrong and apologized, but she confused him more by telling him off for apologizing. It felt like he were taking to his mom again. A seed of grief itched to sprout in his heart. He missed her so much.

"That's awful," Iryna said quietly, and the way she said it, it was clear that she could empathize. Matthew felt an odd, foreign swell of companionship for the girl who stood next to him.

She wiped her eyes with the heel of her hand, then took some deep breaths. They sounded rattly.

"I got sick of everyone staring at me," she admonished.

Matthew wished he could ask why, but he knew. The whole school knew. Anyone with eyes knew. To put it indelicately, her breasts were simply huge compared to every other girl in their grade. While it seems like an almost enviable trait, Matthew had heard the demented things people said behind her back. They called her names. They tripped her in the halls to see her fall. But again, he hadn't paid them much attention- he'd been much too interested in hearing something, anything about _himself_ in the rumor mill.

"I tried to hide them- with binding, you know?" Iryna sniffed loudly, and Matthew felt suddenly bad that he hadn't really noticed her before. "I cracked a rib. Angelina and Stu, I know they're worried, but I just- I wanted to be _normal_. I wanted to stopped being looked at like some sort of… freak…."

At that, Matthew couldn't help but laugh.

"That's ironic. Like, extremely ironic." He explained. But then, suddenly, it wasn't funny anymore. "All I've ever wanted was people to look as me." Even to his own ears, his voice sounded hollow, like his insides were being scooped out. "My dad… ever since my mom died, he acts like I don't exist to him. Not like I'm a pest or anything, but like I'm actually, physically not there. And my brother-" He glanced back at Alfred. "...Him too." He hesitated. "Sometimes, I think they blame me for my mom. Sometimes, I do too."

It was quiet again. Iryna seemed focused solely on him. The noises had died down and even the bright sunlight streaming into his face from the window couldn't distract his attention. They were the only people in the world.

"Attention isn't all that it's cracked up to be," she said. Her Russian accent was still heavy after all this time.

"Neither is isolation."

"I want to help you somehow," she said. She didn't mean psychologist help, either. It was something she felt would work. "Excuse me, but would it be weird if we hung out after all of this?"

Matthew felt a blush creep onto his cheeks. He didn't remember the last time someone his age had set foot in his house. "I'm not sure how much we could do." The corner of his mouth twitched, and in that instance, that miraculous moment, he felt like things might actually look up. "What with house arrest, and all."

Iryna graced him with a smile. "Companionship _and_ isolation. It sounds like a match made in heaven to me."

Matthew wasn't entirely sure she knew the connotation of such a saying, but he didn't correct her.

"Me too."

 _Hiya, I hope you enjoyed the story! I had to write it for my Creative Writing class- it was so embarrassing- so I thought I'd post it here too, where it belongs!_

 _This is actually a condensed version of a larger piece I'm working on, so be on the lookout for that!_


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